RUN FOR THE C-uh oh...-#@$!ing PARANOIA

Now I don't want to alarm anyone by writing this, but I couldn't sleep at all last night. (Why would we be alarmed, Ms. C?, dear reader would ask, but I'd only shake my head disapprovingly and point to the subtitle of this blog.)

I had planned to go to bed at the more reasonable hour of just after midnight and I felt myself dozing off in my chair, so I schlepped myself to bed (a whole 5 feet away).

As I was laying there, I felt a panic attack... What's wrong with the lower half of my body? I suddenly bolted awake. It felt tingly, a bit like when someone sits too long in a chair, except kind of different. (No, it wasn't that time of month.) And then I tried to go to sleep, but I knew this would probably bother me all night.

Thus started the cycle of wakefulness and sleepiness... the next thing I knew, I was wide awake trying to convince myself that my heart had not stopped beating, that I had to keep breathing steadily lest I pass out, that my body was feeling numb from all the panicking. At every hour I would get up and shake myself awake, dispelling the night terrors for another minute, but sleep was not able to overtake my wide-eyed brain. Maybe brain is too much flattery for it, after all it tortured me with last night - I'll go with pile of grey goo.

At 5, my mum's alarm went off. She took about a half hour to get ready for work, and then I heard the door shut and lock.

I was barely concious of what I did the next four hours. I don't fathom why I did any of this. I remember getting changed into garish running clothes (pastel green sweatpants anyone?), turning on the TV to watch the weather channel, turning off the TV, turning on the computer, turning it off, sweeping the floor, washing a quarter load of laundry, reorganizing my stuff, turning the TV on and off again, boiling water, turning the computer on and off, checking the TV, drinking an entire litre of water, checking my email, drying the quarter-load, sticking my nose in my plants and then inevitably falling unconcious in bed, at a not-so-healthy 9:30 a.m..

I wish I could say that I got all the sleep I needed because I have a run tomorrow that happens to start at 10 a.m., but I kept getting woken up by a number of things. Somoene cleaning the balcony. Jorgh calling. Jorgh calling again. My mum arriving home at 1. My mum waking me up because Jorgh called yet again. Then I felt bad because Jorghnassen kept calling because I asked him to, so I stayed awake.

Anyway, if I don't get such astounding results tomorrow (eg. falling flat on my face, running the other way, calling a cab mid-run) then you can blame it on PARANOIA PARANOIA PARANOIA PARANOIA and some LSD OCD.

Needless to say, I didn't go running today. My mum thought I became colourblind.

RUN FOR THE CURE I labeled myself

I couldn't resist playing with Photoshop and the techy font. This will be on my back on Sunday, while the front will have the number. 

FREE E-BOOKS - Rock on!

Project Gutenberg collects books that are out of copyright and free for the public and makes these books available for download bliss. Of course, it takes a lot of effort and crazy reading to get something like this put together, so they rely on volunteers to digitize, proofread, format, and put together these thousands and thousands of books. This volunteer project is called Digitized Proofreaders.

So while I'm waiting for... uh, just waiting... well, I'm proofreading pages that have been spat out by a scanner and OCR program. Today is the 5th day since I joined, and I'm up to the 60th page. I am currently most involved in a textbook on algebra for high school, and it's probably the most annoying proofreading project there (other than the smudgefest-sideways-tables-scanned-with-a-flashlight books and the ancient-languages-with-weird-markings-and-charaters texts). I've hit upon the pages no one is eager to proofread because they're pages of nothing but fractions, and the OCR garbles every single character from these scans.

But on the plus side, I'm rank #2259, tied with only 20 people. YES!

RUN FOR THE CURE 2006 Some People Screw Up at the Bank and Elsewhere

I went to the CIBC today to drop off donations, but somehow the tellers don't know what the printed page of online donations looks like. Maybe it's the English that threw them off. They made me register *again* for some reason, but now it's out of my hands. For now.

If I reach $300 by the end of October, I'll get a puffy one-shoulder bag. Let's keep raising the funds! :)

After the bank, I went around the corner to the Running Room (Coin des Coureurs, in QC) and picked up my participant's kit. I only discovered the t-shirt they gave me was dirty on the collar, like someone had dropped cola on it. :(

Just waiting for the rain to stop... *sigh*

On the plus side, I'm runner #1448. AWWIGHT!

Help me Run-da

Go for it! :D 

RUN FOR THE CURE 2006 FUND RAISING Stuff

To tell you the truth, I'm still $105 dollars away from the goal of my selfish ass not paying the registration fee, and I have about 5 days to get it. As I have very few readers to begin with, let's lay the situation down properly, and then you can tell your friends.

1. This is 100% legit. I did this last year. I'm doing this again this year. I'm probably going to haul my butt to do it again next year. I don't need to have a friend or a friend's friend or someone in my family stricken with, or even die from, the disease to justify fund raising for breast cancer. I'd have chosen the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada if that were the case, but it pains me even to think about that in the first place. Maybe I'll do that next year too, then you'd probably think that I'd have a reason. But I don't need one, do I?


2. Oh jeez, an online form that wants a credit card number. You know what? You don't have to use the form. You can email me for details. I'll even post my email address for spamrificness: chowmaylay[AT!!!]yahoo.com ... One person gave me a cheque. (THANK YOU, PERSON!) All I needed was a name, address, and email. That's if a tax receipt is wanted. You get one if you ask. Otherwise, you can just tell me your name is Mr. Incog Nito and I won't even bat an eye.


3. If you have ever made yourself a promise that you believe in, when throughout your whole life you have never believed so concretely, for your own sake or the sake of a friend or someone you have never met, then you know how I see this run and how much it means to me. Damn the psychological barrier of registration.

So all I need is perhaps 2 very nice people to donate ~$50, or 5 equally as nice people to pitch in $20 or so, or 10 (uh, 11) amazing people to abandon their coffee doughnut habit for a few days and scrounge up $5.

Please, please, please... if nothing else I ask for this year (I don't think I ask much, do I?), I ask only that you invite your friends or anyone you know to pitch in and sponsor me. /begging

Birthday Mommy

Yesterday, I woke up bright and early at noon, walked to the grocery store (which seems infinitely farther than when I'm jogging by there), and bought stuff for a cheesecake. Then I got caught in the rain on the way back, while my neighbours who happened to be walking down the same way spotted me attempting to jog home. I ran into the pharmacy and bought a box of white almond bark and a lotto ticket. Then I got home and made the cheesecake (which, by the way, can gain interesting texture with a layer of almond slivers on top before baking):

TEH RSUMIST CITRUS CHEESECAKE

2 packages of softened cream cheese (I suppose even the store-brand one)
3/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1-2 tbsp each lemon and orange juice (fresh squeezed or whatever)
1 cup graham cracker crumbs
1-2 tbsp melted butter... make that 1. No, 2. Well, you'll see.

OPTIONAL:
almond slivers
orange and lemon zest

1. Set oven at 350 F. Use an 8" springform pan, or regular cake pan, or a pie plate. Whatever's clean. And ovenproof.


2. Mix together the crumbs and the butter, and line the bottom of your pan with it. We used to use a pie plate because my mum and sister didn't think of using other things in the house. Then I discovered one day at a restaurant that cheesecakes don't have to look like pies...? Yeah we're really messed up.


3. Using a mixer, beat the devil out of the eggs (lol), and add sugar. Then add the cream cheese. The mixture might be lumpy at first (especially the store-brand one), so you have to keep beating until everything is smooth, otherwise something disastrous will happen!!!1!


4. Add in lemon and orange juice. If I had cleaner fruit and a zester I would have added lemon and orange zest. And if I had found limes yesterday I would have added one too. But I couldn't find squat at the store. >:(


5. Pour batter into crumb-lined pan. Layer optional things on top, like almond slivers. Man, those things are tasty.


6. Bake for about 45 minutes, or until the center is no longer gooey.


7. Let the cheesecake cool otherwise you might get an upset tummy. :(


8. Feed to mommy. :)

Put in more sugar if you like a sweeter cheesecake, considering there's not much sugar for the lemon and orange juice in the batter. My mum actually doesn't like sweet stuff (despite her chocolate cravings) so she said this was just right. :)

Then we won the 6/49 :D:D:D:( No we didn't. Now I have to go wash the floor by hand. :(

Idea?

Hahahahahahaha I'd never do this. 


I'm having way too much fun with the paths function.

P.S. Jorgh hates orange shirts. :(

Hommage?

Bob Ross I ain't. [OMG TOO PINK] 


And at last, all our dreams have come true.

Ugh I knew I did something wrong. Here's the fixed picture. 

Here's a silly vectorized pic of my sketch. Cheer up! 

Fears

When I have nothing else to write about, I usually point out how disgustingly and mopingly unemployed I am. Some people would go absolutely nuts if they have no direct and regular source of income, or not have any sort of plan in mind to do so. And some of you are workaholics who can't sit still.

I know you; you're the ones that I envy, who seem to be able to handle and conquer all things. Invulnerable, courageous and unashamed. Your self imposed weaknesses are but trifles in other people's point of view, and your strengths are infinite.

This is me. I have absolutely zero problem talking to someone face to face to ask for something, but when it's over the phone... forget it.

A second level of fear above that is asking someone for something that benefits me personally. I'd rather do anything else than ask for a favor. I'm certain it's not because I don't want to owe someone, because if anyone asks me for anything I don't hesitate (unless it's ridiculous).

And the most debilitating one of all: I fear rejection or failure from lack of sufficient skill. I'm the type who absolutely finds everything fascinating... to a point. Yes, even sports. But I don't feel like anything near an expert at any sort of thing. (And you're going to say, "But nobody's an expert at everything." And then I'm going to say, "But I'd like to be an expert at just one thing." Then you can counter with, "You have an inferiority complex." And then I'll say, "Oh you're right.)

OK, enough blah. Here's a sketch.

Holy carp holy carp holy carper

Dawson College shooting:
I sit at home pretty much all day (except the 1 hour a day I get up and go, as per yesterday's post and I don't have much else to do except look for a job and read the news. Except I didn't read it until 3 pm, after I turned on the TV and there were images of cops running around Montreal downtown and people being loaded up on stretchers.

Donnah lives next to College Lasalle, which is right in the neighborhood. I called her a little while ago and she said she was fine. She was taking the 24 bus from Westmount to home, and first spotted a bunch of students running in the opposite direction. (She thought someone might have bombed one of the jewish temples or schools again.) Then the bus divered its route, but was stalled on the road. The police cordonned the whole area, and there was apparently a dead body on the road. @_@ ... Later, she got off the bus still far from home, but the police denied access to everyone for the whole block. So she got home by taking a (rather long) detour by way of orange line to Sherbrooke and back home by 24 bus in the opposite direction.

Then we chatted about finding jobs again. Life must go on, eh?

I'm freaking out because it happened downtown and everyone I know in Montreal has at some point needed to go downtown to do something, so any one of us could have been a bystander or witness. Also, I'm angry because, and I quote what I told Felix: "kids are still kids and they're stupid!" >:@ (By kids, I am referring to the shooters.)

Montreal residents, please report your status!

RUN FOR THE CURE 2006 Motivation

It matters not why I run for this 5 km charity run. For charity, perhaps?

This post is more about how to motivate oneself to run. People are reported to do physical exercise when they are depressed or idle. But how do you gather enough strength to get up and go?

1. Pick a moment when you're sure nothing is going to happen. Give yourself an hour or so.


2. Drink some water. You're going to need it.


3. Put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Put on some sport socks. Put on your shoes. Now you have no excuse.


4. Run a bit. Then walk a bit. Then run a bit more. Then heave a couple of breaths and walk a bit. Then run a bit more. But don't turn around.


5. Once you're through for the day, note where you have arrived. Then go home and have a good long drink. OF WATER.


6. Tomorrow, you're going to run to that point.

Here are some downsides to running outside, before you tell me that you experienced such-and-such and never want to do it again:

• Embarrassing moments of tripping on garbage, rocks, sidewalks, your own feet: Check.


• More athletic people passing you: Check.


• Less athletic people passing you: Check.


• Rather ignorant kids taunting you: Check.


• Rather ignorant and stupid kids calling out racial epithets: Check. :(


• Little doggies running at you barking: Check. Hell, I almost kicked it today.

But here are the upsides:

• People walking on the street encouraging you: Check. :):):):):)


• Turning a not-so-pasty white colour: Check.


• Kids actually saying hi for some reason: Check. ?_?


• Noticing your new shoes are dirtier and wearing down: CHECCCCKKK. @_@


• Self-motivated goals more easily achieved: Check.

The last one is because if you are on a treadmill, you can always tell yourself you're through and quit the machine, sit down, and swig some Vector water or Ethos water, or whatever the hell it's called.¹ When you're outside, you don't really have that option, so you mentally have to push yourself to further lengths. Because 5 km is a kind of a long walk home anyway.

¹I condone the buying and selling of water only when it's necessary. For instance, when you're out in the middle of nowhere and dehydration sets in. On the other hand, it makes as much sense to privatize clean water as it does to privatize clean air. Why must we turn to such alternatives? LOLz Anyway, keep hydrated.

T-0 Yay!

I'm having a happy birthday, thank you. :)

On the other hand, I ended up with quite a few blisters (and one that turned very purple, due to someone stepping on one by accident. No biggie, tho, eh?) from walking a lot in unbroken shoes a few days ago. So my activities lately have been mainly walking around the plateau area. Fortunately, blisters can be solved with Davy's solution.

This evening, Jorgh took me to the nice restaurant, L'Express, where he ate too much and I ate tons of blueberries and too much. The up side is that the food is good and the prices are not too bad for a French restaurant (as long as you don't go overboard). The down side is that the place setting seems to have been inspired too much by the cheapo eats; but paper napkins and paper table cover seems to pale in comparison to the unsharp dollar store steak knife...! Anyway, good food.

P.S. Jorgh says tartar is not something you want to eat regularly. Or semi-regularly.

P.P.S. RUN, FORREST, RUN! That's all I ask for all year from anyone, so I'll ask again in a week or so.

T-3

As it stands right now, I'm going to Montreal today to get out of this rut. But not without a long set of scathing words from my mum. Grrr! *shakes fist*

---

I can't begin to say how sorry I am for one of my heroes Steve Irwin's unfortunate demise. It seems like a miracle that he lasted this long among the poisonous, the fang and claw equipped, the swift, the noxious, the gigantic, the violent, and the rest; it led us to believe that he was invincible. To end this on a well worn racetrack of cliché, he died the way he lived. Impossibly brave!

T-5

As it stands right now, it seems that I will be spending yet another birthday alone, or at least pathetically reminiscing.

Oh, and it seems my bike is still kaput. Figures.