>Lose weight now! Ask me wha-?

"I went from 195 lb to 145 lb in just 30 days!...or did I just find a pair of fat pants to make it look like I lost weight?"

"Well, nevermind that my pants got stretched out in the first place when I put them on the first time so that they look this loose now, but I really lost the weight! And I can tell you all my secrets in my new book, Whatsamatta Wichyu? where I tell you the exact proven methods of losing weight by:

• "Getting a haircut!


• "Making food that looks like crap so you won't eat it!


• "Live in the middle of nowhere without a car so you'll have to walk or ride your bike everywhere to survive!"

"All this and more, and you don't have to pay a red cent! Nope, all you have to do is read the book, lose the weight, then I send goons to your door to collect payment!" Cost may change without notice (as goons break down your door) and payment varies proportionally to weight loss, foo!
"Don't wait a minute more! It's my birthday next week! Call now as operators are standing by!" (Can you tell I have way too much time on my hands?)