It's Here! It's Here!!!

I nearly fainted today from getting the Athlon 64 3000+. I wasn't expecting it to arrive so soon, since I only ordered it on Monday. This is my first online purchase so I am very happy it came intact. Now it's a matter of getting a motherboard that can test it...

LOST made me cry. Again.

I sound overtired. That's because I spent 13 hours at school today.

Food = Weakness

Besides pancakes (which I can only enjoy once a day or so), I have food favourites that don't seem to come to my mind too easily because I have such a sucky memory.

My worst food craving is rice crackers. I think I established it right now when I just opened this fricking box and inhaled half of it. The (Christie) Rice Thins and those small rice crackers that come in bulk drive me nuts. The snack craving is abated when something is spiced just a little, like some rice crackers, but because the Rice Thins aren't, I have been just killing myself over thsese things. HELP!!!

Uncanny Dream

Last night I had a pretty vivid dream that felt pretty close to reality due to the 100% (or nearly) true occurances. I was sitting in the back of the classroom with my colleague teaching the larger-class-that-everyone-knows-is-hyper (compared to the smaller-class-who-still-think-they're-kindergarteners). It was the total opposite environment than my own experience with the same group; everyone was quietly and attentively listening, talking in turns, discussing in a constructive manner, and actually learning something.

When I woke up I almost started crying. (That hardly happens unless I'm dreaming of my dad.)

It doesn't surprise me that I envy all the teachers at my school for managing each class with such efficiency and style without compromising themselves. I have walked often through the halls while I have been on break, and never hear a peep from any student. Each time I have a class it turns into a madhouse, where I have to strain myself to uncharacteristic anger to maintain some semblance of teaching.

I was hit with so many of those whisps of passing envies that accumulated over time in that dream, that I woke up heartbroken. This moment of truth came to me. Would I let my lifelong aspiration of teaching be defeated by a few short months of painful experience? That moment in the dream, when I watched the kids smiling and chatting confidently, was when I hit the deepest low. My will was weakened to the edge.

...

I won't give up. A dream is not fulfilling if it doesn't require effort. Or pain. Or blood, tears or sweat. Who needs a dream that can be gained with one thought and the wave of a hand?

This must be what it feels like when one is truly starting to understand oneself.

Generation Gap!?

I brought my violin to school today, expecting the last class of the day will be edgy and squirming (due to a long weekend starting tomorrow). A request was made for a Christmas song, but I didn't want to play the conventional carols so I played Christmas Time is Here by Vince Guaraldi.

After the piece was over, everyone had blank looks on their faces. "Miss, what was that?"

"Christmas Time is Here."

"..."

"What?! Haven't you ever watched the Charlie Brown Christmas Special?" (I was trying to figure out if they just didn't recognize the piece.)

The entire class shook their heads. "No."

If my jaw could have dropped into the ground, it would have broken through several layers of concrete.

What is completely paradoxical is that one student asked that I play the Ghostbusters theme (which I did, briefly), and everyone immediately knew it from the first few bars. Let's see... Ghostbusters: 1980's series. Charlie Brown Christmas: 40 years old and shown on every television channel nearly every fricking day, every December. Year of birth of these students: 1993.

Will it Ever End? *confused expression*

I might sound ungrateful or ridiculously stupid because I'm complaining over more work (hence more pay), but I have another week added onto the already long enough substitution stint. My colleague has yet to recover enough to be medically fit to work again. I feel terribly bad that she's still not well, and I want her to recover quickly for her own sake (contrary to what you might think, over my own *wilting* sake).

It seems pretty sad that the kids don't have their teacher, and I have yet to stake a personal claim over the students' lives (since I keep referring the troublemakers to other people rather than stupidly dealing with them myself). It gets harder and harder to justify work when I don't know what my own plans are. I should just start making tests and quizzes every other day or something, just to keep them on their toes.

A Rememberance Day Ceremony

In my colleague's absence, I was in charge of the music band's performance at the ceremony today. They performed O Canada and Amazing Grace for the school, which gained positive reviews from everyone. An elementary school child even came up to me after the performance and said to me, "You're a very good music teacher!" Kawaii!!!

There was a music video shown before the ceremony, A Pittance of Time by Terry Kelly that I think sums up the current sentiments of the general public about Rememberance Day. I'm sure that this song could probably make the coldest, most steeled-face man trickle a few tears in public (given the circumstances).

I actually had a not-too-bad day. Compared to last week, I am ecstatic.

Every Day 5 Is Another Day Alive

To ruin a school day, mix haphazardly:
5 periods of the craziest classes in high school, placed in a row
a few inches of snow, with snowball consistency
pumpkin recipes from hell, assigned to mismatched groups of students
several bags of leftover Hallowe'en candy, thoroughly smuggled

Put in home ec. blender and mess around all day.

Hallowed-out

In a surprise twist of fate, there was one trick-or-treater last night. I recall another year's Hallowe'en when there was exactly one trick-or-treater, wearing the same tiger suit and spewing the same quicklyjumbledhalloweenphrase in order to get the candy as fast as possible... only a little shorter.

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My aunt is in the hospital in Toronto. Looks like I gotta go soon.